7 tips for Road Trippin' with Kids

My husband recently left for a month for work which meant I had a lot of time to fill up and a whole new motivation to stay busy. My sister lives down in Texas so i decided this would be the PERFECT time to travel down to see her. Considering my nifty little Hyundai is amazing on gas it turned out to be much cheaper to just drive the 10 1/2 hours through tornado alley. On my trip I developed some awesome tips for traveling with kids.

First thing is first, when you are driving anywhere that is farther than 2 hours away expect to make several stops. I tend to tack on about 15 minutes per hour of driving; so a 4 hour drive will probably be a 5 hour trip. (depending on time of day)
Tip number 1: Accept this fact, embrace it, and move on. My first trip down to TX was brutal and frustrating and long all because I let it bug me that I couldn't drive more than an hour and a half or two without stopping... on that note, no offense La Leche League but breastfeeding seriously sucks sometimes.
I have  a two year old and a 3 month old so I wasn't concerned about constant bathroom breaks, what was more distressing was how in the world I was going to keep my toddler entertained as well as preventing my infant from getting sick of the car seat.
Tip 2: Stop often but play it smart. I literally just followed the lead of my kids. When they slept I booked it, held my pee, let my stomach growl, and jammed out to my music; you better believe I didn't dare stop until they were awake and needed things.
Tip 3: When you do stop, make it worth it. Every time I stopped the rest was usually about 15 minutes and a few times it was longer. I ate and/or stocked up on snacks and drinks, changed the girls, and tried to get them out of the car for a while.
Tip 4: Rest areas and grocery stores are your new best friend. Almost every time I stopped it was at a Wal-Mart or rest area. Seriously. The snacks/food and anything else you need will always be cheaper than a gas station, cleaner bathrooms with guaranteed diaper changers, and it's the perfect place to let the kids stretch their legs because they're big and grocery stores have those silly .25 cent rides. *Plus, lots of Wal-Marts have CHEAPER gas.
---In terms of Lela, my 3 month old, I would wear her in my Ergo carrier. I literally walked around feeding her while letting Ava play. There was a few times she came unlatched and her sucking attempts to re-latch caught a few peoples attention but whatevs---
Tip 5: Invest in a portable DVD player and a plethora of long DVD's. It would be WAY too easy if the kids slept the whole entire trip, but they didn't and that DVD player seriously took off some of the pressure to entertain.
Tip 6: Don't set large goals, you won't reach them. My first trip I had planned to get there in 12 hours.... well it took 15-ish hours with the last two consisting of 4 stops and 45 minutes of crying babies, which leads me to my last tip.
Tip 7: Know your surroundings. Before I went on my trip I took a glance at what towns or cities I was going to be going through and whether or not they had stores, tourist stuff, or whatever! The first time I underestimated how little there really is in OK and TX which is how we ended up half an hour away from our destination and camped out in front of Target waiting for my sister to meet us.
I waited too long to stop and then came upon 45 minutes of pure NOTHING; no gas stations or rest areas, cowboys, or ANYTHING and of course my girls had a meltdown.... but hey live and learn. I stay in a tiny town with no Target near by so it ended up being a pretty sweet stopping point haha.

Over all I had a blast. It was my first long trip alone with two kids and the trip back home went more smoothly. I was exhausted and wobble legged when I got home but now I have this sort of  "I'm a badass let's drive to Alaska just because" sort of feeling.

We do have a flight overseas in a couple months. Bring it on.

Hakuna Matata: Being a Carefree Homemaker

*clears throat*
Hello everyone, my name is Noelle and I.... am a Pin-aholic.

It is true, I like soooo many other women in the world fall blissfully under the stereotype of the Pinterest loving homemaker. I can (and sometimes do) spend hours on there looking at things I plan to do (but probably wont) and meals to make and tips on organizing my life.

I have read literally dozens of blogs about creating a budget, a budget folder, a cleaning schedule, a meal plan, and a general life agenda.... I have put together bits and pieces from scattered websites to try and make my own system and I have gone through notebook after adorable notebook trying to line out my uninteresting yet somehow hectic life. NOTHING has seemed to work; I mean every time I start to get my flow going, life hits us hard with some crazy big event. (most recently it was giving birth, before that it was car problems...and in 2 months it will be moving to another country)
Being that I stay at home I have a good amount of time to think so I am constantly trying to improve myself.
Quite frankly being a housewife and SHM means much more to me than just wiping baby butts and cooking edible food; it means keeping track of everything so that my husband and children have little to worry about. I try my best to fine tune the budget and actually stick to it, make a plethora of meals that aren't just edible but actually satisfying, educating and keeping my children alive until they can generally do it for themselves, and even keeping myself decent so that my husband has something pleasant to look at when he gets off of work. You can imagine my frustration when life gets out of whack.

One of the things I noticed when reading these other blogs about organizing your life is that every single one of them NEVER mentions flexibility. It's as if they all have children already in school which leaves them 8 glorious hours a day to get done what they need to. (with a bonus of being able to start and finish at the same time) This realization also left me with a dread that my life would be alllllll over the place for the next 4 to 5 years (when both girls will be in school). UHM HELLO?! Have you ever met a baby? or even a toddler? Life runs on their time and their time only which means that I can plan my entire week to the detail... vaccum everyday, laundry on Wednesday and Sundays, workout at 7:30 am, shower after, so on so forth; however, writing it down does NOT mean that it will happen and most likely won't.
This has been my life lately. Some days (thanks to teething) I am basically shackled to my child and get nothing done until 10:00 at night. I end up frustrated and resentful that I can't keep the house squeaky clean or that actually going to the gym is more of a dream than possibility and it's exhausting/depressing to be frustrated all the time. So, I have decided "TO HELL WITH IT!".

I put a lot of pressure on myself. Probably about things that don't matter to most people... It's just part of who I am. When I do something I like to be the best at it, but maybe it's time I look around and just give a shrug of apathy. After all, I get to be home everyday watching my children grow, I mean gosh, Lela is already 3 months old and Ava is saying "Bless you." when you sneeze. *giggle*

It might take a little bit to really learn to relax but I'm sure I will get there. "Hakuna Matata".

The Happy Homemaker

Happy *belated* 4th of July!!! I absolutely love the 4th, it's always been a very happy holiday in my family and the perfect time for good ole' fashion 'Merica fun. If you are related to the military in some way then you know that your military friends really do become like your family when you move to new places, this year I excitedly hosted a 4th of July BBQ (MY FIRST EVER) with some of the people we have come to know and love.
I love, repeat LOVE, to host themed get-togethers; so of course I went all out. I created a menu and supplies list about a week in advance and started making the decorations about 3 days in advance.

 Doing crafty things is something I've always enjoyed. To start I made some cute red, white, and blue wind chime streamer things.... they fluttered in the wind with amazing grace despite being made out of paper plate holders and cut up plastic table cloths.
 I also made this wreath.

Now this wreath was a labor of love. I literally hand carved the wreath form out of cardboard because Wal-Mart was out of the proper wire forms. (It took an hour) I also carved out the stars because, welll I thought it would be adorable; then of course the bow that I made and remade about 4 times.

Overall I am pretty proud of my little creation.

Next I made these super adorable and way too easy flower "vases". My stripes don't match up and the blob looking stars are faced away from viewing eyes but generally I thought it was a nice touch.

There were a few more bits here and there, some purchased, others made by yours truly... red, white, and blue cake, cocktail, and meringues (that I didn't put out because they didn't come out right), hand cut homemade star tortilla chips, so on and so forth. In this entire process from glittery-eyed start to tipsy-faced end I learned a very good lesson.... No one can appreciate the details and hard work the way that you can and that it is perfectly okay.
At first I was a bit bummed out that not a single person had any chips or that I was the only one that enjoyed the cake. And I was a little sad that a couple people left before the BBQ was in full swing. Quite frankly I was wallowing in self pity the next day because everything I had spent time doing went completely unnoticed... or at least unacknowledged; but then I got some great advice from my mom. She said "sometimes you just have to do it for yourself."and you know what? I couldn't agree more. Being crafty is not just something I enjoy but is part of who I am! Cooking and baking and challenging myself is something I have always considered a chunk of myself that is unique.
I am a homemaker and for a millisecond I almost forgot how proud of that I am.
I think this is amazing food for thought with every aspect of your life and maybe it's a bit silly that I am only just now coming to realize it but honestly, I spend SO MUCH of my days dedicating my time to other people: my two children, my husband, my friends, my family, or even my house (not a person but seriously....), I sometimes get lost in the mix I suppose. As a SHM or HW your main responsibilities are directly related to other peoples needs which makes it easy to forget that there are things you not only have to do but should do simply because they make you happy. For me it's making a big deal out of little details for casual get-togethers that no one will even notice.

All in all I had a lovely 4th of July and met some wonderful people. On to the next holiday :)

A Whole New Meaning to "Mommy and Me Yoga"

One of the many struggles us moms tend to have is finding the time to get ourselves into shape. Most days it simply seems like there isn't enough time, other days you don't have enough energy, and far too often your children need a plethora of things ranging from a new diaper to a popsicle... that being said we are also just bad ass enough to be able to manage it.

Since I recently reached my 6 week postpartum mark, which most of you may know means you can enjoy sex again (and exercise) I decided to pick up a workout routine and get my body back in shape. Nine months of general laziness and ice cream cravings tend to make your ass a little flat and your stomach a little loose... of course then there's that whole pushing a big headed human out of your body thing. In any case, I, like many other stay at home parents, have found myself using home workout programs, previously my favorite has been P90X, currently I am working on the Brazil Butt Lift. Nothing gets me more pumped than a shiny Brazillian man who can shake his sculpted butt better than I can.

I had first started my workout routine with the idea that I would do yoga every day and not just yoga, but P90X yoga! That ish is NO JOKE, but I love yoga and that particular workout is amazing. Well, someone forgot to tell me that after having kid number 2 it wouldn't be as easy to jump right back into exercise as it was after the having first one; I was all over the place both physically and mentally.

I roll out my pink yoga mat, put on my tennis shoes, and start the warm up breathing. After all, part of the success with yoga is clearing of your mind. I am on my third breath when Ava starts to shout "LET A GOOOO! LET A GOOOO! EEYYAAAAUHHHGAAOOOAA SKYYYYYYY!!". *Dear Frozen, thank you.*
Obviously the whole "clear your mind thing" is not going to work out for me today, anyway, I make my way to the Plank position which is like getting put on pause at the top of doing a push up. Hold that pose for a good 30 seconds and you will be sweating. Guess who thinks I am playing some kind of new game and hops right onto my back like a baby gorilla?! It FELT like a baby gorilla and my abs experienced a whole new meaning to word "feel the burn". Next is the Downward Dog, the most recognized yoga position where you basically make a triangle by putting your butt up, face and heels down. As I'm focusing my breathing so I can push my heels down further, Ava pops her little face into my face and starts giggling hilariously. I can't help but to laugh a bit myself despite my growing frustration. I managed to make it through a few more poses, each more difficult than the last, before Lela wakes up to eat and I completely give up on the hope of getting a full workout in.

The next day I ended up with a Charlie Horse on one of my rib muscles (which is just as painful as it sounds) and came to the conclusion that yoga everyday is not in the stars for me. Switched to the Brazil Butt Lift so I can get more leeway in a shorter period of time. This tactic has been better for me but still not completely effective because my children have a sensor in their head that allows them to need EVERYTHING as soon as I put in the workout DVD. I haven't worked out in about 3 days because after an hour and a half of starting and stopping it's easy to become discouraged.
Honestly, I have a whole new respect for the stereotype that stay at home moms get fat. It is brutal trying to workout with your kids around. Can be done, but it's a process.

I am determined. Like I said, we are bad ass enough to manage it....

YOLO

If you read my last post you know I had a pretty dramatic experience with my oldest Ava getting sick, well my youngest Lela got sick as well and we had an almost equally dramatic experience. This post is not about her being sick though, it's actually about the way I was treated when we went into the ER.
First, as many may gather, I am what you would consider a "young mother" part of the "who likes condoms?" species, under the "I was young and dumb, he was cute and dumber" genus, closely related to the "we have been married for a month so let's have a baby" genus.
Despite the way, the who, or the when of how I became a mother I feel like I have done a pretty damn good job of raising my kids and maintaining my household. That being said, let's move on to the delightful nurses and doctor that decided to use their medical school degrees to evaluate me as a mother based on my lack of life experience. It may be irrelevant how other people think of me but this is something that boils my blood.
So it's 10-11 pm and my two year old hasn't stopped crying since we got to the room in the ER, my other daughter is screaming because the nurses are repetitively stabbing at her for an unnecessary IV that they eventually gave up on. It is officially the second time within a week that I find myself in the hospital only I don't have my adoring husband with me (he is in the field). I am NOT in a good mood.
At this point I have already had Nurse A make remarks about how I was handling my melting down toddler, the doctor has reminded me in only the most condescending way possible that "an infant with a fever is an EMERGENCY situation" as if we weren't standing in an exam room in THE ER, and thye are telling me they need to do an (also unnecessary) spinal tap on Lela, when all of a sudden Nurse B (for Bitch) asks me "What's wrong with her?" looking at Ava like she smelled her own asshole, so I plainly told her that it is well past her bedtime and she doesn't want to be here.
"Well, you don't look like you want to be here either." she says, as she stares at me like I am a whining 10 year old brat.
.........................................................
so I spelled it out for her, since she clearly needed me to, "No, I don't."
"Well, young lady, we have to take care of your baby!!!!"

I was so far done....
About 20 minutes after this altercation, Nurse A-hole comes into the room right after they took Lela out for an x-ray and all I can think is "fuuuuuu, she is about to give me a speech about being a mom"
and that is what she did, starting with "Are you feelin' overwhelmed?" and finishing with "you're young and I know it's hard, but it will get easier..."

You would of thought I was the first person in history to walk into the ER in the middle of the night with a sick baby and screaming kid not thinking to put a sweet little smile on my oh so young face.

Can you catch the point of the story?
Why does everyone look at young mothers and automatically think they are in over their head and therefore need guidance, it's like there are old lady Yoda's lurking in the dark corners of all grocery stores, hospitals, and restaurants waiting for your child to misbehave so that they may use The Force on your ego (and patience) to remind you of your age.

I can remember after finding out I was pregnant with Ava when i was 19, being told that I should give her up for adoption because I had my whole life ahead of me and that I would miss out on so many experiences... I was literally told that I should shed my responsibility so that I could go have "fun".
Let me just say that having been married twice, traveling across Europe, or even simply going to college can not prep you on how to change a diaper, teach a child some manners, and generally keep them alive until they can do it themselves. Bringing another life into the world can come at any time and no matter what over priced book you have read, you will not be prepared and I will bet any amount of money that a 30 year old first timer who had all kinds of "life experiences" would be just as nervous as I was when I was a 19 year old first timer.

This has turned into a rant.
So, rant over I suppose.

Viruses are nasty SOB's

So this week was a first for me as a parent. I learned that there are some things that just come with the territory of being, not just a mom, but a parent in general. Both of my kids ended up with a nasty nasty virus. My oldest, Ava had it the worst and I swear she got it from the McDonald's play place. Before you judge me for taking my kid to McDonald's, that play place is awesome for play dates (if you can get over the stench of rubber, grease, and little kid sweat) it's cheap, there are plenty of other kids to entertain your kid for you, and you don't have to follow them around awkwardly trying to prevent them from falling....but that's a whole other blog post.


This virus that Ava had was just horrific. 4 days of pure hell for my child.
The very first thing I learned when I woke up that night to find vomit covering Ava and her bed is that only an ever doting mother could calm and clean their little one, put them back to a fresh bed, and then do it all over again 30 minutes later with a smile on her face. After the second time I realized I was NOT going to be getting sleep. Reminded me of some of the blurry and drunken nights in college that involved holding someones hair and telling them between their hysteric sobs that everything would be okay; this time, though, instead of Black Eyed Peas it was Veggie Tales in the background.

Over the next 36 hours I found myself cleaning various fluids from different parts of the house....carpet, couch, kitchen.... but surely enough she started to seem okay. Well Kenny and I had been invited to a free couples retreat with childcare and everything! We figured "f%*k it!" and went. Everything went okay enough until breakfast the next morning. Kenny had taken Ava out of the banquet hall because she became a bit fussy...about 5 minutes later some old woman is asking for me to come in the hallway. When I got to her she starts hurrying me towards our room and tells me that Ava was having a seizure. Did I freak out? uh, yea! I mean wouldn't you?
When we got to Kenny and Ava it was like walking into the first 5 minutes of the show House, you know where they have a dramatic scene of something medically effed up happening to some unsuspecting soul.... he was on the phone, two or maybe three cleaning ladies were standing near by whispering, another woman was checking for Ava's pulse and the whole time she was just lying there...so peacefully you would of thought she was simply taking a little nap. Lesson number two? Do not panic. You don't have time to panic. So naturally I called my mommy real quick.Within minutes the paramedics were carrying Ava out in their arms like she was a wounded puppy and we clambered into the ambulance.

Now is it just me or does anyone else ever get the urge to punch a nurse in the mouth? mmm, maybe it's just me but it tends to happen when they cheerfully let you know they will be restraining your terrified toddler so they may try and get an IV. I can think of nothing less fun than holding your kid still while strangers are sticking them over and over again. Lesson three... allow yourself 5 minutes of mental break down. Thankfully this is where Kenny stepped in and I stepped out. I couldn't watch anymore after they failed the first time and said they needed to do it again on the other arm.  Before I get a bunch of hate about this bit, let me just say that I know it is their job, I know that no one wants to purposefully put a child through pain but it's like anything else... just because it is someone's job to serve you with lawsuit papers doesn't mean you are excited about the happy demeanor in which they do so. Or the sales clerk who smiles at you as they let you know you have been declined for a store credit card. These people who are lightheartedly doing their jobs while you are going through an embarrassing, terrifying, or angering situation most absolutely bring on the urge to punch in the mouth.

Eventually things evened out and their explanation for what happened was that it was a mere virus, gave us a pamphlet, then sent us on our way. A fairly anticlimactic end to an emotional day. Lesson four: doctors will NEVER give us the answers we want.
Ava stayed sick the rest of that day as well as the next. I ended up with a minor version of what she had, mostly fever with crazy bad migraine and guess who didn't give two shits? My kids. Final lesson, there is no such thing as "sick days" in motherhood.

To Start...

There is so much controversy about choosing to be a "house wife". There are stigmas held over house wives as well as positive credits to house wives. Everyone seems to be unsure of how exactly they feel about it... Well this blog is not about how everyone feels about it. It's not going to map out the many ways a house wife is working more than the average full time employee and it certainly won't glorify the odd jobs/errands/general things involved. No, this blog is simply about the situations I have found myself in as well as how I have felt about them (and likely so have most of my fellow HW's) and some cheats/shortcuts to making the odd jobs/errands/general things involved much simpler.

In case you were wondering about my street cred.... hmm, well I have none, BUT, I have been a house wife (or HW for short) and stay at home mom (or SHM) to two little ones for about 2 years. It's not a lot of time but I have figured out that in order to make it big in this business you have to be a fast learner. I am also a military spouse *yey for stereotypes*.

I started this blog because of Facebook... (say what?!)
Yes, Facebook. There are tons of FB pages/support groups created for millions of different purposes, the ones I became interested in were for SHM's and HW's, specifically military spouses. Progressively I discovered that there are a lot of women who post to those pages who fully and unforgiving-ly live up to the stigmas attached to not only SHM's but military spouses in general. Even more so the women can be so unsupportive of each other. So basically the biggest reason I wanted to start this blog is because there are so many things we all think but are too scared/guilty/any other adjective to say and I have every intention of saying them.

Now, for my first post in this blog let's talk mildly about our role in the home. I recently became "un-pregnant" with our beautiful second daughter Lela and boy has my world flipped upside down. Not simply because I am now taking care of 3 babies (husband included) but because of how quickly my husband, Kenny, re-assumed his role of the ever lazy stereotype associated with the "bread winner" of the family. Man, before when I was big and wobbly, like a penguin but less cute, Kenny was ON IT! Never did I ever have to ask him to take out the trash and he even did the dishes every now and then. *bliss* But as soon as this child was out of my body and into our arms it was as if in his eyes I was now capable of doing anything and everything again. Lesson? Enjoy it while it lasts. At first I was angry. Why should I have to do everything...and I mean EVERYTHING?! Now I realize that it is just way easier, faster, and overall more efficient to just do...everything; I am like the Chuck Norris of unemployed Americans. But not just me, most SHM's/HW's are! I don't know about other people but Kenny is the type of husband that needs a detail by detail list...hm, no, Power Point presentation when being instructed to do annnnnything. I mean he has asked me (on several occasions) how much water to put in the pot for boiling eggs......................
I love him very much, but, bless his little heart.
 I have to admit it is exhausting making 3 square meals a day (not including snacks), socializing your children through the excrutiatingly awkward world of playdates, keeping your house generally livable, attempting (however feebly) to look somewhat presentable, and chauffeuring to all appointments/necessary shopping...to name a few things. Sometimes it's not worth it. Sometimes it feels like I am a servant to a house of selfish, ungrateful, lunatics whose only purpose in life is to give me things to clean; but when it doesn't feel like that, it feels pretty damn awesome to know that I am the key factor that keeps this household functioning. Like I said, Chuck Norris....

*stay tuned*